Sin

No matter how much I scream
I can't burn this filth off of me
Stains on my records ;my left angel shakes his head at me
I'm a conquest of the devil and I've let him have the best of me
But I've got tawheed  and  I get that He's trying and testing me
And the horizon looks bleak but I'll keep praying for peace
My heart is shattered and my soul is in tatters
I've lost enough faith for faith to lose  hope in me
But I'm still alive which means I get credit for trying.
I have another chance and I've still got time
But times running out, because
Even though I'm alive now
I'm still dying.

Can I ever truly recover from failure ?
Do the demons stop haunting the damned?
Will my prayers ever return to the way the were?
Will there be a time when these questions don't matter because I've conquered the desires that reside in my mind ?
"It is not the eyes that are blind but the hearts "
What if I'm blind and I'm so lost there's nothing left to find ?
What if I'm a nafs bug -bitten, Satan -ridden ,desire -chained , humiliated display of my previous self
Is there ever a graceful return?
Is there an upward spiral to match the downward spiral that my downtrodden aspirations take too often ?
Is the straight Path straight up or are there always bumps ?
What if I've hit a roadblock ? What if I can't move any further ? What if all I do hurts my hereafter?  What if  there's no one to save me ? What if there's nothing left to save , baby?

-"Sin"